I had to start somewhere

I’ve been waiting to be “ready” for a while.

And strangely enough, I feel ready nowadays. But since I’m not really used to that feeling, I keep questioning myself.

Am I really ready? Ready for what exactly? Not sure… But I’m here and I’m ready.

I guess it goes better when you start something even if all the other elements are not as ready as you are, and maybe even you are not ready as well.

Gosh I’m also questioning my decision to write in English now, since I’m not native in this language and I haven’t written anything in English for a while now. But oh well… I can switch whenever I want / need. I guess.

I was thinking about the new year’s eve and how everyone around me was so focused on “locking in” on January 1st. I am not there because my body doesn’t register the 1st of January as something’s “starting” day. When I was in school I would see September as the start of a new year. I’m out of school now, so I see my own birthday as new year’s eve. Because if you think about it, it is the start of a new year cycle for me for real. And coincidentally my birthday is (kinda) aligning with the beginning of the spring. At least it gives the signs of the ending of winter. Time to wake up from hibernation. End of February, pretty good timing to start a “new year” in my opinion.

Of course I filled my “reflection of 2025” page on my notebook, and I wrote a list of side quests for 2026 as well. But I didn’t set “resolutions” or “new year intentions” this year. I didn’t feel like it.

I was pretty hyped up about doing the “bingo card” gamification stuff for the goals, because gamification (generally) works well for me to keep me motivated and be consistent. However I think bingo is a game to play with others not by yourself. So it didn’t make that much sense to design bingo cards to play by myself.

I’ve been living in isolation (in a way, not fully) and I think it comes to an end soon, because I feel ready. Maybe I’m ready to be around people finally. It might be awkward at first, because I felt awkward time to time when I was around groups of people in the past 2 years. Or maybe I was always awkward but I wasn’t aware of it as much as I am now. The only thing I know is I reset my “close friends” on instagram, and I archived almost all of the photos.

I saw a “rebrand this year” post, I’m not sure where and how. Social media just bombards us constantly, so even my sharp memory is failing to pull info from that chaos. So I cannot fully refer the post I saw, so sorry about that. Here’s the thing, when I saw it, I said “hmmm… yeah. It might be what I need actually” But the other thing is, am I a brand to be rebranded or am I a human trying to find a way to express myself? The lines are blurring at this point so I’m definitely not sure what the fuck I am. I just know that I’m ready now. For what, no idea but I’m ready. And that’s the only thing that matters.